I don't use drugs anymore. I watch documentaries. There are more similarities between the two than I would care to admit. We could agrue back and forth regarding self-induced enlightenment and it wouldn't change the fact that I spent a good portion of this evening on my butt in the house, instead of outside enjoying the glorius summer evening with my family. That's a choice that I made and the more that I think about it the more it bugs me that I didn't even really think about it before I made it. I just went with the flow, which in turn washed me up on the couch.

The child is now at the age where he is starting to store long-term memories - More impressions and feelings at this point of course, but then again these earliest impressions are the foundations for how we develop into thinking and feeling people. It seems readily apparent to me that I would much rather have his mental imagery of me to be that of a gentle giant, looking down at him from a sunny blue sky, framed by large cumulus clouds. Not a distracted fixture in the living room, entranced by the incessant drone of the history channel or the like.

I'm probably being harder on myself than I need to be, but I am having a moment of clarity that I would like to carry over into the choices that I make tomorrow and beyond. I want to remember this feeling and carry it into my decision making process, and I resolve to get my body into motion

Labels: Family, fatherhood, Life